Kelly’s Note: Yesterday, Stark experienced a bad nail split injury at the beginning of a training session. It was a freak accident (nail caught on turf despite being trimmed + we’ve trained there without issue for 2+ years). Even prior taking him to the vet, I knew it would be the end of our long-anticipated return to the UKI Invitational. We were just a few days away from leaving for Illinois, but his health and well-being are my #1 priority, so we won’t be attending after all. To cope with the overwhelming feelings of sadness and disappointment, I wrote the following letter to myself. I’m sharing it in hopes that it may offer comfort to another handler going through their own setbacks and disappointments.
Photo Credit: Barking Dog Images
Enjoying a moment of joy with my favorite boy at the 2024 West Coast Open. It’s one of my all-time favorite photos of us.
Hey, how are you feeling today?
Indecisive? Sad? Panicky? Disappointed? Heartbroken?
You’ve experienced those things in the past, and it wasn’t the end of the world. You always found a way to move on, stronger and wiser than you were before whatever event sparked those feelings in the first place.
It’s okay to feel devastated about seeing your beloved dog in pain. You know you’ve done everything you possibly can to keep him safe, healthy, fit, and happy. He gets top-quality food, the best veterinary care, frequent hikes, an infinite supply of toys, regular swim sessions, and more massages per month than you get in a year. He snuggles beside you every night and demands belly rubs every morning. He’s blessed to live with humans who adore him. 99% of dogs on Earth could only dream of the love and luxury that agility dogs like him enjoy.
But welcome to life: shit happens. You can’t prevent accidents 100% of the time, no matter how careful you are. That’s the risk you accept when you decide to compete in agility. It’s not your fault, but it’s still your responsibility. Your current source of sorrow. Your fears of missing out. Your heartbreak over missed opportunities to show the world what this amazing dog is capable of.
It’s okay to feel disappointed about missing the big event. You’ve poured so much of your time, energy, and money into preparing for this over the past several months. You’ve diligently followed your trainers’ advice, carefully conditioned your dogs to ensure their bodies can withstand the physical demands of the sport, improved your own nutrition and stamina, and honed your handling skills through regular self-reflections and video analyses.
But welcome to life: sometimes our big dreams are incompatible with our present realities. Life isn’t like the movies, where protagonists triumph by bravely pushing past every barrier standing between them and their dreams.
If you can’t push past a problem, what can you do?
Pause.
Pause and take this temporary setback as an opportunity for rest and reflection. Find a silver lining. Consider how you’re projecting your own perceptions of the situation onto your dogs.
Unlike humans, dogs don’t fear “missing out” on upcoming events. They don’t despair over missed opportunities to see their friends, navigate exciting courses, and perhaps win a ribbon or two.
These are all the human’s expectations for the future.
Our dogs live in the moment.
And every moment you spend lamenting what should, could, or would have been is a moment you’re not focusing on the many wonderful things you have right now.
You have a dog that loves you. Remember how he licked away your tears as you cleaned his wound? How he gently rested his chin on your shoulder while you cried into his fur after calling the vet?
You’re blessed with such a beautiful, sweet, smart, silly dog. Don’t take him for granted. Nobody knows for certain how long our dogs will be in our lives.
We’re only guaranteed today.
“When we focus on our gratitude, the tide of disappointment goes out and the tide of love rushes in.”
